Does it ever end...???

Depression, does it ever end?
I don't mean for those people that have reactive depression; depression after a bereavement etc, but those of us that suffer from it for no apparent reason.
Clinical depression.

I'm not unhappy, I have no 'reason' to be depressed, but I am, constantly, even though I managed a year without the drugs I'm still essentially depressed.
I've suffered since my mid teens at least, so far its 18 years, its got worse, its got better, but I'm not sure its ever actaully gone away?
My last major episode was classed as Post Natal Depression, previous to that it was Ante Natal Depression; was there a difference? was it just all the same episode but people sooo like to put things in boxes!? I managed to get myself off the antidepressants in October 2010, the withdrawal effects finally subsided by Christmas (not depressive effects, but sickness, dizzyness, brainshocks, horrible!), and I was drug-free for a whole year. It took a while for my mental state to settle, for me to regain control of my emotions, most of those things are very controlled on the drugs, its hard work to take them back sometimes.
In November 2011 I made a big decision, I went back on antidepressants, a different drug than that I was on previously, a very low dose... forever. Really, forever. I currently have no intention of working my way off them again. It had been suggested to me several times by professionals that know what they are doing, that I might consider a long-term, low dose drug. Its taken me this long to come to terms with the fact that its not going away and that maybe they are right.
After all, I take an inhaler every day to prevent asthma attacks, why shouldn't I take a different kind of drug every day to prevent attacks of depression? Its a hard decision, but I've made it.

Happy New Year 2012!

Bah Bloomin' Humbug!
And thats the polite version!

I'm not usually a New Year person, don't go out to celebrate, though I usually stay up til midnight for the sake of it then shuffle off to bed.
This year was a bit different, I fell asleep before midnight, so missed the lot! And boy am I glad I did. Ed had us up half the night, firstly wanting into our bed (refused) and refusing to go back to his own, loudly. Then getting us up several times after that. Finally demanding into bed again and when he was told to go back to bed, in no uncertain terms by me, wailed at the top of his voice til daddy went in. A few stern words later and he mostly went quiet and stayed in bed.
I woke at 8am, Ed woke at 9.30am! grr

At 10am we got a phone call from the in-laws; Mother in law is ill and about to call an ambulance to get her to hosp (father in law so tired he's not really capable of driving!). Thankfully she's mostly ok, apart from an horrendous gastro bug that has left her very dehydrated and needing potassium! She's staying in at least tonight.

So the boy has been full of energy all day (how!?!) and we've been knackered!

Oh I hope he sleeps tonight!

Energy...

My batteries seem to have run out. I'm not sure where I left the recharger. I'm not entirely sure how to recharge them anyway...

All I know is I'm knackered, so tired, completely exhausted. I often get like this for a day or two, but this level of tiredness has now gone on for nearly a week, or is it more than a week? I'm losing track!
My usual trick with tiredness is to do something energretic, go to the gym or swimming or just go out for a walk, but I can't even manage that at the moment. I went shopping this morning and nearly collapsed with exhaustion after only 45 minutes.

I'm not anaemic, as far as I know there are no medical reasons to feel this exhausted (other than the usual tiring dyspraxia) I just am.

Now my brain has stopped working too :(

Courgettes!

 We've had a few courgettes this year, well more than a few.... so far just over 100! And we've eaten the lot! Honestly, all of them (apart from the couple that are in the fridge at the moment!)

 Its really saved us a lot of money over the summer, courgettes in almost every meal. I've not had to buy vegetables for several months, we've managed on what we've had from the allotment.

 Though its not just been courgettes; the onions and shallots are still feeding us (stored since early summer in the greenhouse), the beans are still producing a few pods, the kale will probably go on forever!

 The potatoes are storing really well in the pantry, we're down to the last half of the last bag, but thats another thing we've not had to buy since June. The broad bean harvest was the best I've ever had, with no blackfly attacks, LOTS of pods on each plant and 3 sowings have meant they have produced for weeks. Then when they'd finished, I cut them down to the ground, they've sprouted again and produced another crop of beans!

 As for fruit, the raspberries went on and on, the blackberries have worn me out (and torn me to shreds, but never mind) so we now have LOTS of jam! The tomatoes are still going; some trusses (and there were 4 trusses on each of 5 plants) had over 50 tomatoes on them! We love tomatoes, I thought I'd have to bottle some, but they've kept us going with a regular supply for salads, curries, stirfries, sandwiches, everything!

But its courgettes that have really dominated and I love them!!

bleargh

Apologies for the lack of posts... depression back with a vengeance... normal service will be resumed as soon as i've kicked its head in!!

Spuds! and a few other bits...

Its potato digging time! 

Well, to be honest, it was potato digging time a couple of weeks ago, but thanks to holiday and very very dry weather it was delayed a couple of weeks. I dug the first few plants last week, we got lots of potatoes... I still had to dig the last 18plants! So now they are dug, expertly by my lovely mum, while I hung around taking photos (and doing a small amount of allotmenting too!). The potatoes were much bigger than we were expecting, I'm still not sure where we're going to store them!

 

 The majority of the harvest in baskets.

 My lovely mum, who has her own allotment 35 miles away, still likes to muck in with mine! Here she is picking loganberries.

 

And the ever-helpful Ed, I think he was pointing to a butterfly, whilst wearing my crocs!

 The cauliflowers are starting to produce nice curds, I pick them relatively small as they start to bolt earlier than commercial varieties.

 

We're currently picking 6-9 courgettes a week!

 And very soon we're going to have a HUGE bramble harvest!

 I've had lots of comments about how pretty my allotment looks this year. I hadn't intended to plant quite so many flowers as I have, I certainly didn't intend those i did plant to get quite so big, but they have. They don't seem to be doing much overcrowding though, the calendula tend to be on the very edges of the plot, the bits that you don't often plant in, they also are said to deter 'twitch' grass, and we need every bit of help we can get with that! The nasturtiums are flowering like crazy, I didn't think that 6 plants would go so far, but they have. Still, we've had very little blackfly problems this year, down to the nasturtiums? maybe.

Harvest season already!

I always forget how soon harvest season comes round, I seem to expect it in August and September, but when it hits me each year in late June and July I'm caught out. I really should learn!

This year the allotment is producing well, certainly better than the last 2, I'm not sure if its because of the new beds system or just a different year and more hard work.

For the last 2 years I've had 6 or 7 courgette plants, each time only one or two of these plants has really produced any fruit, this year all 6 are happily popping courgettes at me every couple of days, this week i've harvested 9! I'm currently cutting them fairly small, so to encourage the plants to keep fruiting, though I plan to leave some to grow to marrows later in the season. I love stuffed marrow, its a meal in itself!

The broad beans are also having a bumper year; last years crop was pretty much decimated by mid June, by blackfly. This year they've barely been touched by blackfly, I have twice as many plants as last year and I've so far harvested a few pounds (lb) of beans (podded) and there's still plenty left on the plants! I sowed in 3 batches, so the later plants are just producing pods now where the first plants are done and cut down.

Peas have always been a problem, I can sow a whole packet and only get the same amount back at the end of the season. So this year I sowed mangetout, we've been eating them for weeks! They're great! I've got a second sowing in and growing so we should have more in a few weeks! I'll sow those again!

The berries (raspberry, gooseberry, loganberry) have all produced nicely and the blackberries are all growing, though nowhere near ripe yet, its looking like another bumper year for them too!

The best thing for me though, is not a vegetable, but flowers, Sweet Peas! My favourite! Summer is not summer without a house full of sweet peas!!

This was the bunch I picked on sunday, I've had another bunch nearly that size yesterday! My house smells lovely... and I have the freshest food! I love harvest season!